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breathlessmd

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03:34 pm: Another year...and death has not caught up with me.
It is amazing looking back and realizing how long I have seeked death. And since last time I have posted, I have put myself into deadly situations, surviving them all.

One thing I realized over the past year is that cocaine really makes me aroused. But not only that, when I do get aroused, my death fetish immediately returns, once again, as I choke myself, pushing the envelope and trying to get closer and closer to the end. I also went and visited this really deep quicksand pit, which is always fun on a warm day: being buried up to one's neck in cool mud. It's actually difficult to drown in such deep mud; it takes a lot of effort to even get close to submerging. Crazy.

I am not so sure, though, if I just want to die by my own hand, though such a demise would be sweet morbidity. I still want to die with someone else or by someone else's hand and that stops me from going all the way, though I can sometimes feel death grasping at me as darkness nears.

Perhaps this will be the year where I find that lovely dark girl that'll take my life from me.

Comments

[User Picture]
From:_elle_2
Date:March 30th, 2008 11:32 am (UTC)
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most dark girls would want a suicide pact. die together type thing. i doubt there are many willing to risk killing you.
[User Picture]
From:breathlessmd
Date:April 1st, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
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I would be fine with a suicide pact - I would also want that as well.
[User Picture]
From:sarah_dragon
Date:March 30th, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC)
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Though some are just dark enough to take you to that edge of death, teasing and tantalizing ;)
[User Picture]
From:breathlessmd
Date:April 1st, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
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Too cool. :-)
[User Picture]
From:breathlessmd
Date:April 28th, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
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Hello there,

I am glad you enjoyed my posts - I'll probably make a post soon. I need to go on an "adventure" sometime soon, so I will probably post afterwards.

It is difficult to find that one woman, but thank you - maybe she is out there somewhere, reading to pull me into the void...
[User Picture]
From:piracypolicy
Date:June 5th, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
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Wow... I don't know why, but that thing with the quicksand is so cool. I really admire you for jumping in there just to see what it was like. If only I was as comfortable with the nearness of death as you are, I think I'd enjoy life much more. You know? I think everyone would. It just strikes me. Throwing yourself into a pit that you've been told is a deathtrap since you were a kid (I assume), to test it. Just to see. There's something about it- fuck it, I can't identify what it is- that really inspires me.

Ahhh, I sound like a rambling drunk again. You should post more. I like how you write :)
Lexi
[User Picture]
From:breathlessmd
Date:June 6th, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
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I am glad you enjoyed my posting, Lexi.

I have no idea why, but the quicksand thing is fun and exciting so many levels. Part of it is just from the fact that the mud just feels *really* cool, and part of it is the risk taking involved, as you mentioned.

I think, at least for some forms of near death, I am comfortable with it because it's just very erotic for me, along with my other death fantasies.

Like yourself, I was also told quicksand was a death trap, especially after watching movies. But in spite of that, or maybe because of it, this deathtrap just be come...erotic.

The thought of disappearing to one's demise - it's just sounded so cool. I am also into Vore, so maybe this is related to it, too, in some fashion.

I'll probably post something soon, but you should post more, as well. I really like how *you* write in your responses. It's very stimulating. :-)
[User Picture]
From:piracypolicy
Date:June 6th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC)
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What, post to my journal, you mean? Yeaahhh... It's not exactly my best work ever XD I've got nothing else to do though, so what the hell. Stimulating is always good.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 10th, 2012 05:42 pm (UTC)
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i read your posts and we have similar thoughts and desires. Where are you located?
[User Picture]
From:breathlessmd
Date:November 12th, 2012 12:52 am (UTC)
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Hello there.

I am located in Oregon, in the northwest. What about yourself? I don't see a profile, so I can't see much about you. But feel free to talk further (or message me) about your own thoughts.
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